Funny Football Quotes: 2013/14 (Part 1)

From the last time a ball was kicked in the Premier League to the first weekend of 2013/14 action, there has still been football. And that goes hand in hand with figures in football making stupid comments. Read on and enjoy:


“I always score on my grandmother’s birthday” – Alexander Kerzhakov has an unusual lucky charm.

“”It’s true that I like to go out and buy new clothes, nice perfumes and hair products. I also shave my legs. I don’t see myself as a metrosexual, though.” – Neymar might need to look up the definition of metrosexual…

“The players have incredible fitness levels – more so than ever. They are like hyenas in training!” – Jurgen Klopp isn’t paid to be a nature expert. Has us laughing like hyenas though.

“Say something ladies, you are always speaking at home, now you can speak here.” – Sepp Blatter puts his foot in it when congratulating new female FIFA executive committee members.

“The social unrest is now resting. I don’t know how long for, but it’s resting.” - Blatter again, this time on anti-FIFA protests in Brazil.

“My sincere congratulations! I hope to use our friendship and excellent collaboration to ameliorate good governance.” - Blatter sent this message to re-elected leader of the Cameroonian FA, Iya Mohammed. Sepp hadn’t realised that Mohammed had been elected despite being in jail on corruption charges. It has been a long summer for Sepp Blatter…

Sepp Blatter reminds me of a non-PC granddad in an 80s sitcom. "Oh, Grampa." They say, "There you go again" Awwh.

Sepp Blatter reminds me of a non-PC granddad in an 80s sitcom. “Oh, Grampa.” They say, “There you go again” Awwh.

“We’re not people who act in haste, like hot heads: it’s a bad approach, and it’s not our approach. Braga stays.” - Fluminense director Rodrigo Caetano answering rumours on July 21st that coach Abel Braga was set to be sacked. Caetano fired Braga eight days later.

“My dislike for the word ‘City’ is because it is common. I want the club to be special. It is about identity. ‘City’ is a lousy identity. Hull City Association Football Club is so long.” – Assem Allam wants to make Hull lively and unique. They’ve been trying for centuries, Assem. Don’t count on it happening.

I apologised, I’m paying for the camera. Would I do it again? Yes.” – Genoa president Enrico Preziosi kicked a photographer and smashed his camera, but he doesn’t care. He loves it.

“There’s no way there’s going to be a goal here” – Matt Murray at Blackpool-Barnsley, a minute before Blackpool scored. Good old commentator’s curse.

“It’s a nice thing for the fans. If we get stuffed 6-0 next week nobody will care any more.” Hertha Berlin captain Fabian Lustenberger somehow manages to find the negative side of winning 6-1 and going top of the Bundesliga. Who says the Germans can’t have fun?

“I did not show a professional attitude at EURO 2012. But I didn’t kill anybody.” - Samir Nasri knows how to look on the bright side though.

Preziosi "Nuts? Yeah....nuts like a fox."

Preziosi “Nuts? Yeah….nuts like a fox.”

“I laugh and joke about it, but all I want is a bit of love. If you give me the love, I’ll give you what I’ve got.” – Tranmere midfielder Joe Thompson is either having an interview or writing a Lonely Hearts ad.

A conversation (of sorts) at Southend:

Southend defender: “F***ing mark him”

Southend fan: “Mind your language, there’s kids here you c*nt” Remarkable.

“We need to start working better individually as a team” – Michael Dawson makes the classic quote-maker’s mistake.

“We’ll break their asses! Lets scare them! They’re just babies!” – Philippe Mexes getting perhaps a bit over-excited before PSV vs AC Milan.

“Where are my cookies?” – Jose Mourinho’s first utterance after entering a press conference. His transfer targets are McVities first and Wayne Rooney second.

“Andros Townsend gave it to his full back, turned and opened up his legs” – Clarke Carlisle  gives our imaginations a scare while commentating on Dinamo Tblisi vs Spurs

Jose Mourinho - behind every great man is his cookie jar. Ask Mr McVitie.

Jose Mourinho – behind every great man is his cookie jar. Ask Mr McVitie.

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One thought on “Funny Football Quotes: 2013/14 (Part 1)

  1. Pingback: Premier League Matchday 2 Previews – 1/2 | Scot & Scouse

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